When Efrem Brynin’s son, Lance Corporal James Brynin, was killed in Afghanistan in 2013, his world went dark.
“In the immediate aftermath I experienced the worst imaginable emotions,” he says.
“And I still do. But everything we do in life is about what's happened to us previously, isn't it? I'm a firm believer in that.”
And what Efrem, from Pulborough in West Sussex, has done with his life since James’ tragic death is impressive.
After competing on Channel 4’s SAS: Who Dares Wins in 2016, he became the founder and CEO of StrongMen, a men’s bereavement charity with a focus on peer support and group outdoor activities.
“If you’re climbing a mountain, conversations happen organically,” he says.
“You don’t feel like you’re talking about bereavement or the challenges you’re facing specifically, you’re just there in the moment.”
On November 19, Efrem is giving a talk at St Barnabas House, his local hospice in Worthing, at an event dedicated to breaking the silence around men’s grief and emotional wellbeing.
He will share his personal tale of bereavement, and how it has influenced his approach to men’s mental health.
It’s free to attend, whether or not you have a connection to the hospice.
After James’ death, Efrem found solace in being in nature and improving his fitness. He still can’t quite explain what made him apply for Channel 4’s SAS: Who Dares Wins in 2016, but the experience was revelatory.
“Before I knew it, I was stood at Heathrow airport with 24 other blokes heading out to Ecuador.
"We got to do things like abseil out of helicopters over the Amazon jungle and I made some good friends in there.
"That was where the initial idea for StrongMen came from – by seeing how you can form that camaraderie with people so quickly through having a shared goal or experience.”
Efrem also credits the programme with saving his life.
“I didn’t know at the time, but I had prostate cancer which was only picked up because of some health problems I had there,” he says. “It sounds corny, but it feels a lot like destiny.”
Now, despite his ongoing grief, Efrem has found fulfilment helping other men who are facing the hardest of times.
“Since James’ death, my outlook on life has changed,” he says.
“I'm still quite a resilient, strong person, but I'm more than happy to tell people about my feelings and my struggles.
“I think it's incredibly important to get that message out there that life does go on – as hard and as grim as it might be at that moment. There’s good that comes out of every situation.
“We'd never have chosen to lose James – but look at the good we've been able to do since then.
"I'd swap it all in an instant, but I’ve come to the realisation over time that you can't change things. You've just got to try and make the best out of them.”
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